Stay
by ManderKitteh
Summary: Post-Father's Day ficlet. Oneshot. What happens after Rose and the Doctor return to the TARDIS. Fluff.


The TARDIS door slammed shut. Rose sprinted out of the control room, tears stinging her eyes, and headed for her bedroom. She heard the Doctor calling for her, but refused to turn around and let him see the mess of makeup that was now running down her cheeks.

"Rose! Wait!"

She didn't stop running until she reached the solitude of her own room. Making sure to lock the door behind her, she lunged into her bed, face down in her soft white pillows. And she screamed. She wasn't used to this – aliens and time travel – but she wanted to be. She wanted to step out of the TARDIS doors every single day for the rest of her life with the Doctor by her side. What she didn't want was for it to hurt so much. She didn't want to watch so many people die because of her mistakes, especially her own father.

"It's not fair!" she yelled, her words muffled by the pillow. She slammed her tightened fist on the quilt, and was startled by a knock at the door.

"Rose?"

She hoped the TARDIS understood that she wanted to be alone. Sometimes she would unlock certain doors, even if Rose or the Doctor did not want to be disturbed.

_Please don't be one of those times._

He hadn't tried for the doorknob yet. "Rose, I know you might want to be alone-"

She lifted her head from the pillow and interrupted him. "Come to call me a stupid ape again? Well guess what, Doctor! You're right! I'm a stupid ape an' I should have never asked to come here!"

"It's not – "

"It is my fault! It's all my fault!" She planted her face back on the pillow and let out another muted sob. Her stomach ached and her head was pounding as memories of that day flew past her closed eyelids. Memories of her parents yelling at one another, of innocent people being attacked by the reapers, of the TARDIS disappearing. Her gut twisted at the thought of being stranded there. She gripped the quilt tightly. Memories of the reapers entering the church, flying about and picking their prey. Preying on the Doctor. She tried to push the visions to the back of her mind, but as soon as they were gone, and the reapers were out of her head, she found herself back on that street in front of the church, hunched over the lifeless body of her father. She screamed into the pillow again, and thrashed the bedding once more.

And he tried for the door. "Damn it! Rose, please let me in. I'm not looking to yell at you, I promise!"  
The door clicked.

_Even the TARDIS believes his lies. Unless she's just mad at me for creatin' a paradox an' almost destroyin' the entire world._

The Doctor turned the doorknob and slowly entered the room. She turned her face away, unwilling to let him see her like this. She did not hear him advance, so he must still have been standing by the door. Rose glanced at her hand that was holding the quilt. Letting go, she watched as the color flowed back into her whitened knuckles. She sniffled, and heard the Doctor take a step closer. Rose curled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees defensively.

"You were dead," she whispered, half hoping he could not hear her.

He took another step forward. "I'm not anymore. I'm here. Everything's righted itself. Everyone's safe now." She sniffled again, wondering if there was any sliver of truth in that last sentence. "Rose, I'm not gonna ask you to stop crying, cause that wouldn't be fair, but please, at least look at me," he begged.

She sat up, still facing opposite him, and took in her appearance. Her reflection stared back at her from the mirror atop her dresser. She could see the Doctor in the corner of the glass, but tried not to make eye contact. Instead, she studied the makeup that stained her cheeks, the tears clouded by mascara that were falling down her face, and the puffiness and redness of her eyes. She could tell the Doctor was looking at her reflection as well.

_He's seen me now, might as well turn around._

She turned and sat cross legged at the top of her bed, finally allowing herself to look him in the eye. They were sparkling blue, reminding Rose of the ocean. For a moment, she imagined them lost at sea during a storm. But then the memories of the day came flooding back.

Rose inhaled sharply, trying to fight back the rest of her tears.

"Oh, Rose." He walked to the foot of the bed and took a seat. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let that happen."

"You? It's my fault all those people died. It's my fault my mum thinks my dad was cheatin' on her," she cried. "An' it's my fault he had to commit suicide just to save us all! My dad's a hero an' I'm nothin' but a damn troublemaker!" She looked away.

He shook his head. "No, no, that's not – "

"I'm not finished. That's not all the stupid stuff I've done in one day! I could have destroyed this entire planet, an' I didn't even have the only one who can save it, because I killed him too!" She was screaming now, and knew he wouldn't dare interrupt her again. "I killed you! That reaper got you and it's all my fault. She dropped her head into her hands and whispered it again. "I killed you."

"Do I look dead to you?" She lifted her head a bit again and he reached his hand out to her, wiping away a tear. "I'm alive, Rose." He moved his fingers to her chin and lifted her face. "Look at me." She did as he asked. "You're not a troublemaker. You did what anyone would have done given the same situation. Rose, nobody wants to watch the people they love die. I should have never brought you here. If I had known how much it was going to hurt you…"

"A lot." She whispered. "It hurts a lot."

His hearts clenched as he watched yet another tear roll down her cheek. He grabbed her waist and pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her shivering body. She sat frozen for a moment in his lap, but then she wound her arms around his jumper-clad torso. She rested her cheek against the fabric stretched across his chest and began to cry heavily again. Her frame shook with every sob and he squeezed her tighter, willing the pain to go away.

He turned with her in his lap so he could rest his back against the mascara-stained pillows, and lounged his legs across her bed. The Doctor cupped her face and then wiped another tear off her cheek with his thumb. Rose looked up at him. His eyes appeared a shade darker, but maybe it was a trick of the light. They were still the most brilliant blue she had ever seen.

The Doctor stroked her bottom lip with the pad of his thumb, and her eyes fluttered closed. She focused on the warmth of his body and the burn of his touch. His twin heartbeats sped up when Rose kissed his finger, and almost stopped when she nestled her face in the crook of his neck.

"Try to sleep, Rose," he murmured, and felt her nod in response.

The Doctor sat for what seemed like an eternity with Rose in his lap. After an hour, her breathing had evened out. After two, the tears had stopped completely. Her grip around him had loosened over time, and he assumed she was sleeping. He lifted her arm from his chest so he could leave her to sleep in the privacy of her bedroom, but when he tried to get up, her palm pressed down against him.

"No," she said groggily. "Stay"

So he stayed.


End file.
